


Heart Beats Head

by stars_fall_on



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:52:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_fall_on/pseuds/stars_fall_on
Summary: After getting arrested for blowing up a car, Ian has resigned himself to staying in jail. That's until he gets mysteriously bailed out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mrs_Monaghan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Monaghan/gifts), [6mgs7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/6mgs7/gifts), [Nicrenkel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicrenkel/gifts), [Battlecat_ftw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Battlecat_ftw/gifts), [Erikutta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erikutta/gifts), [Jessica92](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessica92/gifts).



> So I wrote this after having a hard time with Ian's storyline in season 8.
> 
> I dedicate it to my EG family (sorry don't know the account names of a lot) and all of you guys, who still believe in Gallavich as endgame. IT IS ENDGAME, BITCHES! :D  
> And this is how it's gonna be.. ;)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you LuckyShaz for being my beta and Battlecat for your research help :-*

Ian has never felt so alone in his entire life. Not, when he found out that his mother left him and his siblings for the first time. Not, when he noticed that he's gay. Not, when he realized that he's in love with a Milkovich boy and might never get something back in return. Not, when Mickey refused to kiss him. Not, when his love married a woman and he decided to leave for the army. Not, when he found out about his Bipolar –even though that was a huge fucking thing to discover and deal with. And not, when he broke up with Mickey, because at that time, he just felt nothing at all.

But ever since he left Mickey at the boarder, the frightening and heavy feeling of loneliness combined with just being numb is a constant burden on his shoulders, and it's getting heavier with each and every day.   
  
On the outside however, Ian could somehow handle it. He could get some distractions that helped him deal with his loss. But here, in prison, there‘s no way to escape the cruelty of his own thoughts. Here he has to face it, has to realize that he committed the biggest mistake of his life a year ago at the Mexican boarder.  
  
He left Mickey. Or more precisely, let him go. Thinking he had his life under control, as a man dealing with bipolar disorder. Thinking he would be able to lead a stable and good life on a daily routine, without him. _God, how wrong he was!_

He wanted to be better than Monica. Wanted to prove to everyone in his family that even if he suffers from the same illness, he won't ever be like their mum. He won't just run away and leave everyone worried about him. He will look after his family, will have a good and solid job, that helps them paying their rent. He will build a healthy relationship, not the ones that Monica used to have. He will take his medication. He will do better.  
  
That was his plan. And for everyone else, he truly made it better. They were proud of him, told him how good he mastered his life. And he was proud of himself too. Until the day Mickey escaped from prison and destroyed all his illusions about the man he thought to be.  
  
Ian might truly be an EMT in his heart, but that was probably the only true thing in his life until then. He definitely wasn't the Ian who was happy in a relationship with a trans guy. _For fuck’s sake_ , he loves cock. _Mickey's_ cock to be exact. He was also not the Ian he thought his family so desperately needs and without whom they can't live. Because where are they now that he's in jail and serving his sentence for blowing up a car? They hardly come to visit him. They just don't give a shit about him.   
  
But Ian still clinged onto the string of hope, that he'll make it better. He won't be Monica. He won't run away with a fugitive, although his heart ached so much, when he saw him crossing the boarder. Ian really thought, he made the right decision. Thought that his heart only needs some time to catch up with his mind. But it never did. No matter how hard he tried.   
  
Ian just felt numb from the moment Mickey drove away. He got back home and tried to continue with his life, tried to pick up where he left. But it was destroyed. Every emotion was gone. Numbness was all he could feel. He panicked, thinking that this might be the start of becoming Monica and wanting so desperately to be different.   
  
Though her death really shocked him and saddened him, the fear of being the one who takes an overdose due to his disorder and dies, was bigger and spurred him on to do better than her. He despairingly sought a way out of this deafness, trying to rebuild his relationship with the good-guy Trevor. Because that's what normal people do, right?  
  
He tried to become a good person, tried to help hopeless children in the shelter. Tried to be an ideal for desperate gay teenagers. Tried to give them the support and the ground they don't receive at home.   
  
And suddenly he felt something again. Something. Something worth living for, even though it was still a dull life. But the distraction was good enough to keep his mind wandering 24/7 to the Mexican border.

But here in prison, it all comes down to it.

Here, he can see it all clearly now. The only person who truly loved him, and the only person he'll ever be able to love is Mickey. But he fucked up! _God, he fucked up so badly!_ Everything is gone now. His love, his job, his friends, his fake built reality about a family he thought he had.

Ian knows, that his family doesn't have the money to bail him out of jail, though they could at least try. But they don't give a shit about him at all. He somehow has the feeling that they are relieved he is behind bars now. Imprisoned in a strict, recurring routine that forces him to take his meds and talk to his psychiatrist twice in a week. So they have one Gallagher less to worry about. Ian's now the problem of the state.

And so he finds himself huddled on the hard, small mattress of his prison cell, sobbing over the course his life took, as he so often does. _If only he had..._  
  
"Gallagher!" a guard calls for him, as he makes his way over the long corridor to his cell, "time for you to leave. Someone bailed you out."  
  
Ian sits up, perplexed by the guard's words. Did he undermine how much his family cares? Has he misread his family after all? Did they somehow, manage to get the money and help him out of here? But they couldn't have gotten the amount together in only eight days. (At least not legally) Eight days that to him seem like years. Eight days in which the loneliness overshadowed him. But maybe he‘s not as lonely as he thought.  
  
"Who paid my bail?" he asks, when the fat guard unlocks his cell.   
  
The man just shrugs nonchalantly. "A woman. Can't remember a name. Probably because I don't give a shit." He tosses Ian the clothes he wore the day he got arrested. "Here, put these on and come with me. You have to sign your release papers and then get the fuck out of here."  
  
Southsiders. Friendly as always.  
  
He nods his understanding and steps out of the orange suit, that reminded him too much of the man he lost. Ian was here for only eight days and felt more lonely than ever before. How Mickey must‘ve felt, knowing that he has to serve eight years. And Ian just let him down, left him alone with all his worries and fears. The redhead shakes his head, to dispel the thoughts from his mind, trying to figure out how Fiona got the money instead.  
  
He walks with the guard to the exit of the building, signs the papers, before the steel door beeps loudly three times and rolls up to present the stinging bright sunlight behind the bars. He can't see a thing as he steps outside. Eight days, and his eyes burn as if they‘re witnessing the sun for the first time. Slowly he walks down the stairs, his eyes getting more and more accustomed to the warm light. "Hey douchebag," an all-too-familiar voice calls him before his heart stays still for a moment and he stops dead in his tracks.  
  
He raises his hand to his temple, creating the needed shadow with his palm, as his narrowed eyes move to the right. " _Mandy_?"  
  
"As I live and breathe. Come here!"   
   
He makes his way to the petite figure and embraces her without hesitation, his face nuzzling into the crook of her neck and inhaling the typical Milkovich scent. God, how he has missed this. Missed her. Still misses _him_.  
  
“Wha-“ he starts to ask, when he loosens his grip after a long and intense moment, but is cut off by the blonde girl instead.  
  
“Get in.“ She points to the car on her side. A red Porsche 911 Carrera Cabrio.  
  
Ian stares at it perplexed, but still decides to open it and get onto the passenger‘s seat. “Still on the Escort thing, I see?!“   
  
Mandy puts on her expensive Gucci sunglasses, as she hops in too and inserts the keys. “Nah, settled down.“ She starts driving off to god knows where, but Ian could care less. _She's here. She bailed him out. She came to pick him up._ “Found someone through the Escort thing. He's rich, smart, good looking and not _that_ old.“  
  
Ian keeps staring at her from the side. He's afraid that if he looks away, she might disappear and he awakes from the best dream he‘s had since so long in his lonesome bed in prison. “Which means?“  
  
“48.“  
  
“48 is not an old age.“ he comments, smiling when his words make her chuckle.  
  
“Well, coming from you, I'm relieved. You're an expert when it comes to bursting geriatric viagroid‘s balls.“ she gazes at him smilingly, and Ian's heart skips a beat. Her words remind him so much of Mickey, his whole chest aches.  
  
“The big love then?“ he asks, while Mandy drives through the streets of the Southside he knows so well. He just hopes she doesn't take him 'home'.  
  
The pretty blonde girls scoffs. “Not like the Romeo and Juliet love you and Mickey used to have, but I really like him. And he cares about me. That's more than I ever thought I could get.“   
  
Ian feels a painful sting in his heart at the words _used to have._ It's his fault she‘s using the past tense. “So this good guy gave you the money to bail me out? How did you even know?“ the redhead tries to put the pieces of the puzzle together.  
  
Mandy rolls her eyes with a cheeky grin on her lips. “Gay Jesus was all over the media, Ian. You are known beyond all boarders now."  
  
Beyond all boarders? Could it be that Mickey also saw him on the TV or the internet? God, he told him he had his shit together and now this.  
  
"And _no_ , he didn't give me the money to bail you out. You paid for yourself." she adds, staring out of the windshield.  
  
Ian's brow creases in confusion. " _What_? I... I didn‘t pay a thing." He doesn't understand what Mandy is talking about. If her man didn't give her the money, how the hell did she get it then?  
  
Mandy stops at a traffic light and turns to him, the look on her face suddenly a more serious one. She inhales heavily before she begins to speak. "Mickey told me, that you gave him a lot of money at the boarder. Money you earned and saved, only to hand it to him then, allowing him a new start and a new life." _A new life_. A life without Ian. The redhead fights a heavy lump in his throat. He bites hard on his lips, to keep himself from tearing up. "You gave him the money so he could be free. Now it’s his turn to do the same."  
  
A hundred thousand questions and thoughts run through Ian's mind, but his lips only manage to form one single word " _Mickey?_ "  
  
Mandy looks back at the road and hits the accelerator pedal again as the traffic light turns green. "Mickey." she nods.  
  
The redhead feels dizzy and is having trouble breathing stadily. On the already hot summer day, it gets even hotter for Ian and while his eyes are desperately searching for something to focus on, he tries to innerly calm himself down. He has to think straight, needs to know more. Mandy is his connection to Mickey. He just needs to breathe. "Is he here?"  
  
Ian still has no idea where Mandy is going to take him, but he doesn't even care. He doesn't even take a look at the street, just focusing on her face, hoping to find information about her brother there. "Where do you think he is, Ian?!" she shrugs, her tone not cold, but also not the friendliest one.  
  
Mickey is still in Mexico. Where he built his new life without Ian. And Ian has no right to blame him. Damn, he himself pushed Mickey to do it. He pushed him away. He knows he has no right to be sad about the fact that Mickey is making the best out of his situation. He has no right to hope that Mickey still misses him every now and then, still thinks about him. Not after all that Ian has done.  
  
A tear makes it‘s way down Ian's cheek, as a heavy silence spreads in the car. The boy swallows hard before asking the next question which he knows that no matter what the answer will be, is going to hurt him. "Is he alright?"  
  
Mandy exhales heavily. "Yes, he is." she explains succinctly, without a shade of emotion in her tone. Ian doesn't know if she's mad at him too, for hurting her brother the way he did. He couldn't blame her as well.  
  
His heart starts fluttering for a moment, happy that Mickey is alright. But then it drops like a stone, sad that Mickey apparently mastered to live quite well without him. Same can't be said about the redhead. Ian knows by now that he will never be able to master his life without the other man. Let alone, the fact that he doesn't even want to.  
  
"I miss him," he suddenly hears himself whispering, "so much." He squeezes his eyes shut, only to let another tear slip through his lashes. "It was the biggest mistake I've ever made to let him go. Believe me when I say, that it was the hardest decision of my life." Ian pauses briefly, reviewing the last days he was permitted to be with Mickey. A cynical laugh escapes his lips. "You know... I told him that that wasn't me anymore, because I had my shit together and a fucking boyfriend, and now look at me. No job, no boyfriend, no family that gives a shit. I let the only person I've ever loved go, just to prove to myself that I'm not Monica. Isn't this ironic?" Anger, sadness, disappointment and guilt crush over him and he has a hard time stopping himself from crying and sobbing like a baby.  
  
Mandy's eyes wander to him quickly. "Well, it _is_. A little bit." She confirms his biggest fear that he made a fool out of himself. Who was he to believe he could live a good and stable life without Mickey?  
  
Mandy chuckles. "But now, that you‘ve sabotaged yourself and proven that all the reasons you gave Mickey were just shit, what‘s keeping you here then? Just because we were born Southside doesn't mean we're gonna end up here, right?!"  
  
The young boy stares at her, stunned. Does this mean if he were to go to Mexico Mickey would give him one last chance? The chance he so desperately wants and would _never_ let go of again?   
  
Ian nods. She's right. There's nothing that‘s keeping him here. Not anymore.   
  
Only now he understands his behaviour from the whole of last year better. Inwardly, he knew it from the start but forced himself to learn it the hard way. He manipulated his life to prove that he belonged to Mickey. That everything in Chicago is just a show and doesn't make him happy in any way. That he lives here a life without content.  
  
He felt so dead inside, and needed to feel himself again. Needed to feel Mickey. So he went through all the extremes and realized how worthless everything is, and how numb he still is. A numbness that didn't go away, no matter how crazy his actions became.   
  
It just showed him that he doesn't belong here. He belongs with _him_. He always has, he always will. He has to be with him. "Drive me to Mexico.“  
  
Mandy huffs a laugh. " _What_? No!"  
  
Ian is sitting up straight, his legs and arms starting to shake because of the excitement. He doesn't want to waste a single second anymore. He has to go to him. _Now_. " _Mandy_ , drive me to Mexico! Or to an airport, a train station, shit, anywhere that can lead me to Mickey."  
  
He looks at her desperately, but she continues to drive quietly along the road. Ian peers nervously from right to left, trying to orient himself to find the quickest way out for himself. Only now does he notice the street, where he used to stray along so often. The moment he recognizes where they are, his heart skips a few beats.   
  
"I‘ll drive you here, Ian" she says, as she turns the car to the right, parking across the big field.  
  
What the fuck is she doing? Is this a cruel joke? Does she want to punish him for all that he did? "What are we doing here, Mandy? Keep driving. Take me to an airport or a -"  
  
"No." she cuts him off, staring with her big blue eyes into his own glassy green.  
  
"I don't wanna be here. Not without him. I can't, Mandy." he tells her, silently pleading for her to hit the road again. He can't even look outside the window to the dugout and bleachers, where him and Mickey used to spend their time so often. _Jesus Christ Gallagher, you wanna spread out a blanket and look for shooting stars next?_  
   
Her eyes are soft when she lays her hand on his cheek, wiping the tears away with her thumb. "Then you should be okay being here."

Ian stops breathing.

What is she- ? 

What does this- ?

Is Mickey- ?

What the-?

"Get out of the fucking car, Ian." she smiles, and suddenly everything in Ian starts tingling. Blood rushes into his ears, adrenalin pumps through his veins, flooding him with the best feeling in a year. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. what do you think/hope will happen?
> 
> Gonna post the second and last chapter tomorrow :)
> 
> Please leave kudos and/or comments. They are SO highly appreciated <3
> 
> XOXO


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love, kudos and comments. I'm so happy you like it and so overwhelmed<3
> 
> So, here we go - IAN GO GET YOUR MAN!!!!!
> 
> Enjoy and please give me some feedback at the end <3

He opens the door and hops out  looking around excitedly. He doesn't even notice Mandy closing his door for him and driving off, without saying another word. Ian starts heading to the direction of the bleachers, where they met last time. His heart beats a hundred times faster than usual, while his mind keeps spinning around only one man.

" _Mickey._ " he sighs, the moment he lays eyes on the man with short black hair, sitting under the bleachers. He can't even see him clearly yet, the distance just too big between them, but the moment the small man gets up and moves towards him, he knows that it's _him_. He would notice his movements out of a million, everytime. Shocked, he stops for a moment, savoring the image of the love of his life that he thought he had lost, approaching him.

Suddenly, he can't hold his excitement back anymore and he starts running towards him. He only has one goal. To hug him tightly as quickly as possible, smell his sweet but masculine scent, and taste his sinful lips. The redhead's legs hurt. Lately he has done nothing but crouch in bed and pity himself. But nothing can stop him now. Mickey is getting closer, clearer, more beautiful than ever before and Ian sighs his name again, before he's finally within reach. The younger man wraps his long arms around the brunet's neck, pulling him close and without thinking, leaning in for a kiss.

But the older man turns his face away, avoiding Ian’s lips, but not his embrace. The sting in the younger man's chest hurts, but he is willing to take what he can get. He nuzzles his head in the crook of Mickey's neck, inhaling the scent he has missed so much. One of Mickey's hands caress the back of his neck, while the other strokes him soothingly over his back. 

Although Ian has known it for a long time now, he once again notices how painful the year without Mickey was. How much his body longed to nestle against the smaller man and his nose demanded for his smell. Ian's whole body presses against him, while simultaneously falling into each of his touches. Goosebumps spread on his skin while his knees go weak.

How could he just let him go? How could he waste a year without him?

Ian notices just then how fear, tension and despair are slowly leaving his body and he lets go for the first time in months. He lets go because he's safe now. He is where home is for him. By Mickey's side.

Without realizing it, he suddenly finds himself sobbing and crying in the fugitive's arms, who tightens his grip on the redhead and caresses him through his breakdown. "I'm so sorry, Mickey. So, _so_ sorry." he sighs into the juncture where Mickey's neck meets his shoulder.

" _Shhhh_." he hears the raspy voice soothing him, before Mickey's grip loosens around him and he steps back to put some distance between them. Mickey is just a few inches away, but for Ian it's already too much. "You done, princess?"

Ian chuckles, breathing slow and steadily to calm himself down. Mickey is here. With him. Everything's fine. 

They stare into each others eyes, long and intense, until Ian has the feeling that Mickey's blue melts with his green. He loses himself in the eyes he loves so much, exploring every shade of color he hasn't discovered before. He‘s totally immersed in the bubble they‘ve created with just their locked gazes, until Mickey lays his hand on Ian's cheek to wipe his tears away.

Ian lets his head rest in the brunet's palm for a moment, closing his eyes and savoring the warmth on his face. Only when the hand leaves him again, does he open them and see Mickey cocking his head in the direction of the bleachers, indicating that they should go and sit there.

Knowing that from now on Ian would follow him everywhere, he walks with Mickey. He stays as close as possible, feeling the warmth of his body radiating at him. While walking he can't stop staring, admiring his firm buttocks, his well-toned body and his muscular biceps that his sleeveless shirt leaves bare. His skin is definitely more tanned than the last time he’s seen him, his short black hair a bit lighter instead. The sun definitely does him good. Oh fuck it! _He’s gorgeous._ _Always was. Always will be._

They sit down on the ground against a wall close to each other, their shoulders touching and nudging. Without saying a word, Mickey pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pockets and lights one, before sticking it through Ian's lips and lighting one for himself.

For a few moments they just sit in silence, smoking their cigarettes and enjoying each other's presence, until Ian finds the courage to speak. "What are you doing here, Mick?" He looks at him sidelong, letting his eyes scan every inch of his face.

The brunet huffs a laugh, staring straight ahead of him. "Making sure that you're freckled ass is okay." he shrugs nonchalantly, filling his lungs with the burning nicotine when he takes another deep drag. 

The redhead can't believe what he's hearing, while at the same time butterflies start flying around wildly in his belly. Why does Mickey still give a shit after all he had done? Mandy told him he built a new life, why does he keep coming back then? Ian treated him like shit and Mickey still cares for him. Watches out for him. "Why?" he whispers, letting the cigarette burn down without smoking.

It's the first time Mickey turns to him, his piercing blue eyes shooting daggers into his glassy eyes. "What do you think, Ian?! _Huh_?"

Ian keeps staring, hoping to find the answer in the twitching of Mickey's lips. "I really don't know." he says honestly. Hoping that the answer still has something to do with love, but knowing that he didn't deserve that at all.

The brunet laughs sarcastically, shaking his head and averting his eyes again. A few moments pass, where neither of them is speaking. Both have their cigarettes stubbed out and Mickey's fingers start scratching nervously at his nose, before he speaks up again. "Listen Gallagher, don't get mad, but I have to ask you, Are you taking your meds?"

This time Ian looks away, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. He's heard this question so often lately. It’s always about his Bipolar, never about his inner feelings. He got so angry and humiliated about this question, each and everytime someone brought it up. But not now. Not with Mickey. If anyone has the right to ask him this question, it's Mickey. After all, he's still the only one who really helps him if things get out of hand. "Yeah Mick, I take them." his eyes wander back to Mickey's, locking their gazes once again. Ian's heart starts hammering in his chest, everytime he looks at him. It's still so unreal that Mickey is here. With him. His angel of relief.

"Are they adjusted then?" is the next question that slips out of Mickey's mouth.

"They are." he tells him without hesitation.

The brunet keeps glancing at him, their eyes never leaving each other for even a second. "Then why the fuck were you acting so crazy then, _huh_? Going all Gay Jesus over everyone, blowing up a car and leading a queer parade?"

Ian has to smirk a little bit at his words. All that he has done seems so unreal to him. As if someone else lived that life. Ian only just started living again a few moments ago, when he laid eyes on the one and only he loves with all his heart.

The redhead scoots closer, turning a bit to face Mickey completely. He then lays his hands on Mickey's bent knees, feeling grounded and safe from just this simple touch. "This was _me_ missing _you_ , Mick." he says, observing his love nibbling nervously at his lower lip. The lip he wants to kiss so badly. " _Me_ , regretting every day, that I left you at the boarder. _Me_ , feeling nothing without you. _Me_ , proving to myself that I don't belong here, Mick."

Ian sees the older man swallowing hard then quickly looking away to find a way to cope with the words. But Ian needs him to know. Needs him to understand. So he presses Mickey's knees apart, crawling even closer to the brunet. Ian feels a heavy pounding in his chest, when Mickey does nothing to stop him. The smaller man lets a few seconds pass, before he stares right back at him. "Then where do you belong, _Ian_?"

Trembling hands reach for Mickey's cheeks to cup them, forcing him to sustain the eye contact. "With _you_." he whispers, holding his breath, afraid of the brunet‘s reaction.

But then Mickey pushes forward and catches his lips with his own and a year full of longing and needing breaks over Ian. He starts kissing, nibbling and biting him desperately, so hungry for everything this man is willing to give. He swipes his tongue over Mickey's full lips, pleading for entrance. Pleading for more. Because Ian can never get enough of him.

Fortunately, Mickey reciprocates and lets Ian's slick muscle slide inside him to taste his favorite flavour. _Mickey_.

His fingers stroke everything in Mickey's face he is able to reach, while his tongue explores the inner cave and dances with Mickey's own. Ragged pantings are exchanged and swallowed by each other. The hands of the brunet, draw Ian further and closer to him, his nails digging through the fabric of the shirt and into his back.

" _Mickey_." Ian sighs his name again and again, happy to finally be able to say and hear it after so long. It's still so unreal for him, that he's holding the love of his life in his arms again. Every touch sends electro shocks through his veins, increasing the immense lust he feels for this guy. He starts kissing his way over Mickey's cheeks, alongside his jawline to the sensitive spot under his ears, happy when Mickey reacts immediately to his touch. Luckily, he still knows his body like his own, and so Mickey lays his head into his neck and lets out a soft moan.

The fugitive's hands claw into Ian's scalp, but the latter can't complain. Instead he wants to feel more of him, wants to feel him everywhere. His incredible scent, which drives Ian to the brink of madness, tickles his nose and the younger man knows he also needs more of this. More smell, more taste, _more Mickey_.

He lets his hands trail down Mickey's side just to get his fingers under the hem of his shirt and pushes it up to his chest, while his tongue licks simultaneously down his neck, over his collarbone to his nipples, where he gives them special treatment.

" _Ian_ ," Mickey whines almost painfully needy, his fingers twisted deep in red locks, "stop."

But Ian isn't able to think about stopping. His whole body longs for more. Carefully, he bites into both of Mickey’s pink nipples, gently letting his tongue slide over them, before he continues to kiss down a line to where his pants sit on his waist. He feels Mickey's body vibrating under his touch, arching against his kisses, though his words speak otherwise. "Ian, _please_."

The redhead has arrived to the waistband of his pants and he hooks his fingers inside. "I can't." he mumbles into Mickey's burning hot skin, before he pushes his pants and boxers down to his knees in one swoop. "I need to taste you. Need to _have_ you."

Mickey sighs desperately, his fingers cradling Ian's neck. The redhead knows he is torn between the want for more and the need to stop. "Ian, I need to - _fuck_!" he moans loudly, as Ian's warm mouth wraps around his already leaking shaft.

Mickey's concerns suddenly seem to be forgotten, leaning back against the wall and tickling Ian's head as he bobs up and down his length. "Oh _shit_." the older man curses almost inaudibly, letting Ian do whatever he wants to do.

" _Mhmm_." is the only sound that escapes Ian's lips, when he is allowed to taste Mickey again, for the first time for so long. But nothing has changed. He still tastes delicious in a way only Mickey is capable of. He lets his tongue swirl around the pulsating dick in his mouth, lapping at the tip ever so slightly to suck the drops of precum out of the slit. His eyes are fixed on Mickey's face, watching him falling to pieces with every down movement of Ian's mouth. His cheeks are flushed, his lips parted and his blue eyes almost squeezed shut, though he watches Ian work through lust hooded lids. _God_ , this man is the most beautiful thing he has and will ever lay eyes on. 

Still craving for more, he creates a tight suction around Mickey's dick and sucks faster. This has a whine escaping Mickey's lips in return, before he stops breathing as Ian starts deep throating him. " _Ian_." the trembling in Mickey's voice is so fragile and honest, it brings Ian closer to the edge without having any kind of friction on the throbbing arousal in his pants. But he doesn't even want to think of himself. He has done that enough in the past. His future is Mickey, and only Mickey. "Oh fuck." the brunet sighs, slowly beginning to roll his lips into Ian's waiting mouth.

One of Ian hands reaches up to the place over his heart, where he remembers to have Mickey's tattoo. He lets it rest there, excited by the feeling of Mickey's ever-fast pumping heartbeat under his palms, while his other hand cups Mickey's balls and stimulates them with soft strokings. 

God, seeing Mickey fighting to keep it together, while at the same time wanting so desperately to find some release, has Ian moaning heavily around his shaft. Their eyes are still locked, unable to look anywhere but into each other's eyes. " _Ian_ ," Mickey sighs again, his mouth gaping open, his look painfully gorgeous "oh fuck, _please_."

Ian knows that Mickey won't last long, but also feels himself craving for more. He knows, that he won't be able to fuck Mickey now, the smaller man is already too far gone. But he still needs to get inside of him somehow, needs to feel the tight heat he has missed so much. His lips move upwards, his tongue licking flatly over Mickey's sensitive head, who shakes in return. And then, for only a few seconds, he lets Mickey's dick fall out of his mouth, only to suck on two of his own fingers.

Still holding their gazes, Mickey trembles from lust, knowing damn well, what is about to come. Ian engulfes his thick dick again, licking from the top to the base along his pulsating vein, while his middle finger breaches Mickey's puckered hole.

" _Fuuuuuuck_!" Mickey groans, as the finger pushes quickly inside and right onto his prostate.

Knowing that the last seconds of tasting Mickey has come, Ian tries to get him as deep as possible down his throat, hollowing his cheeks and sucking fervently. His finger keeps jabbing his sweet spot, which is the icing on the cake for Mickey.

Ian watches him, as one last whine of his own name leaves the brunet's mouth, his eyes squeeze shut and his head crashes back onto the wall. Though his lips are parted, no breathing escapes his lungs, as Mickey holds Ian's head far down on his dick and spills his load down his waiting throat. Eager, Ian swallows everything, sucking him through his orgasm, when Mickey lets his head go and starts panting again. Peering at Mickey's heaving chest, and the spasms of his body, Ian licks him clean, before he lets the spent dick fall out of his mouth.  _This taste._ Never does he want to taste something other again.

But the redhead doesn't get up. Instead he lets his forehead fall against Mickey's chest, listening to his galloping heartbeat. Tattooed fingers find their way around Ian's head and into his red locks again, holding him close, as Mickey's aftershocks slowly subside.

Ian wants to lose himself in this moment, being held close by the love of his life and finally feeling alive again. He never wants to get up, never wants Mickey letting go again. But what now? Mickey is still a fugitive and is probably not going to stay here in Chicago.

But before Ian gathers his courage to ask about their future, he feels Mickey chuckling against him. “Goddamn Gallagher, I forgot what only your fingers can do to me.“

The redhead smirks. “Need to remind you what my dick is capable of then, huh?!“ he challanges, propping himself up to gaze into big blue eyes.

Mickey gives him one last smile, before the sparkling in them fades away and his glowing is replaced by a way more serious expression. Through the shifting of his hips to get his boxers and pants back up, Mickey pushes Ian away slightly. The redhead has to move back, away from Mickey and the body he loves so much. Ian knows, that the time to face reality has come. He just hopes that Mickey is able to forgive him and let him back into his life. “What are we going to do now, Mick?“

The smaller man zips his pants back up and fishes for a cigarette in his pockets. He nibbles nervously on his bottom lip until he pushes the cigarette in his mouth instead and lights it up. After one deep drag, his pupils lock with Ian's and he shrugs nonchalantly. “Well _I_ , need to get back to Mexico. Just wanted to make sure you'd be alright and that you're taking your meds.“

The emphasize of the word _I_ makes Ian almost choke. “Take me with you." he blurts out, without thinking twice about his words. No way he keeps living where Mickey isn't. “ _Please_ Mick. I wanna be with you.“

Mickey scoffs, rolling his eyes before giving Ian an implausible look. “For how long Gallagher, _huh_? Til we reach the boarder?“

Mickey's words hit him like a rock. It feels as if someone is squeezing his heart too tight. His chest aches and he stops breathing for a moment. Ian can't blame him, why should Mickey think differently of him? He has hurt him deeply. But the brunet needs to understand that he has hurt himself at least as much. And he'll not make the same mistake again. “ _No_ ,“ Ian shakes head, looking straight into icy blue eyes, “Forever.“

Mickey chuckles cynically, averting his eyes and inhaling the burning nicotine deeply again. Ian can see that he doesn't believe one single word he's saying. And it hurts. So fucking much. 

“This time it's different Mick. Believe me. There's nothing that can hold me back here.“ Ian tries to explain frantically, scooting closer and taking Mickey's cigarette from his lips. He stubs it out and reaches forward to cup his lover’s face, “Nothing that can stop me from being with you.“

Mickey's brows shoot high. “Your job?“

“Think I have one, after I blew up a car?“

“Your family?“

“Fuck no! You had my back more than they ever did.“ 

“Your _boyfriend_?“

Ian takes a deep breath, knowing that there's so much hurt behind those questions. Mickey really thought all of this meant more to Ian than he did. Ian made him believe this shit. _This isn’t me anymore._ The young man swallows hard, stroking Mickey's soft skin with his thumbs. “He's sitting infront of me.“

The redhead can see Mickey struggling to fight the grin tugging at the corner of his lips. “Cocky motherfucker.“ he mumbles, shaking his head in disbelief, as if he's trying to decide whether to trust Ian or not. 

Smirking, Ian lets his hands fall to Mickey's lap, grasping at his hips to keep him close.

When the brunet looks back up, Ian knows that he's dead serious about his next question. “Meds?“

“I refillled them not long ago. Should be enough for at least three weeks. In the meantime I'm going to contact my psychatrist and work something out with her.“

“ _Gallagher_..“ Mickey sighs with the shake of his head, getting up and walking away from Ian.

This probably means he's decided _not_ to trust Ian again. _Shit_!

Ian pushes himself up and hurries after him until he catches up. “No Mickey, _listen_. I'll never leave you again, if you only let me come with you. I know what I did was shit-“

“Fuck yeah you could say so!“

“ _But_ ,“ Ian emphasizes, talking as if his life depends on it. Well, for Ian it does. “ _but_ believe me when I say, that I realized the big mistake I made the moment I came home and found myself empty, numb, not worth living without you.“ Ian tries to hold the pace of his steps with Mickey's, who's still heading straight to a specific direction. “I was scared to become like Monica and tried to live a solid and good life instead. I tried to be a hero for my family, friends and some random gay kids, but guess what?! The dude I so desperately wanted to be, wasn't me anymore. My real self left with you to Mexico, Mick, together with my heart and soul. I was a dead casing on two legs. Until you showed up today and refilled my lungs with air and my body with energy again.“

Mickey turns left, with Ian right on his heels, when he sees an old green Ford Fiesta parking in a hidden spot. Panic rises in Ian's guts, afraid that Mickey will get inside and drive off without him. “I.. I.. can't live without you anymore Mick. And I won't. You are everything I need. You are my home. Where you are I feel safe. Grounded." He takes a deep breath. "Alive."

The brunet shakes his head with a smirk on his lips, rounding the car to the driver's side and unlocking it.

 _Fuck_!

“Mickey, _please_. I love you. So fucking much. More than I ever loved anyone. More than I ever will love someone. _Jesus_ , I love you far more than I love myself. Loving you makes me a better person. Loving you is all I wanna do for the rest of my life. Loving you, _is_ the best thing in my life."

The brunet opens the door to the driver's seat, while Ian stands on the other side as if rooted, shock written all over his face. "Mickey, _please_!"

“ _Jesus_ , Hemingway, you done now?“ Mickey chuckles, as he slides into the seat and puts the key in the ignition lock.

"Yeah" Ian breathes, not knowing what to do. Wondering whether if he keeps talking and explaining himself, or jumping on the passenger‘s seat, which would be the better idea. But he can't force Mickey to take him with him, although he really, really wants to. So he keeps standing outside the car, hoping that his words changed Mickey's mind. That the brunet understands better now, that Ian can't live without him. Won't live without him. Ian wouldn't know what to do, if this was their last goodbye now. It would probably be the death of him..

That's why Ian's world stops spinning, as Mickey rolls the window down on Ian's side and leans in. This is it. _Shit_.

The fugitive looks him straight in the eye, as Ian’s heart pounds like a jungle drum in his chest. "Then get in the fucking car, Gallagher!"

It takes two seconds for Ian to realize his words. Two seconds, until everything inside of him starts prickling and tingling, and he opens the door to the passenger's seat. His heart could comburst with joy, happiness, excitement and _love_ at the thought of his new future, his new life. _With Mickey._

Because this time he did.

This time, he gets inside the _fucking_ car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is how it's gonna be (for me ;) )
> 
> I hope I could make it up to you, for the shit the writers came up with in s8.
> 
> Please leave kudos and/or comments. They keep me going <3
> 
> All my love  
> xoxo


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